Tallahassee, FL - When 11-year-old Clara Brandywine left her suburban Tallahassee home to go trick-or-treating for the first time without parental supervision last Halloween, her parents were worried about a lot of things. The possibility that their precious daughter would be kidnapped by a stranger, run over by a stranger while crossing the street, or eating a piece of candy that a stranger had filled with razor blades all made the list. But the last thing they were worried about was the liberal agenda and the possibility that she would be exposed to images or ideas contrary to their conservative worldview.
"Clara came home full of candy, and full questions," Bucky Brandywine, Clara's father explained. "Why were those two men kissing? Why was that black woman dressed like a doctor? What is a Mr. Goodbar? I wanted to scream. We felt so...vulnerable."
Though long considered a holiday with a liberal bias, and a history that seemingly goes against the beliefs of many conservative families, a group of parents in Florida is aiming to make Halloween a safe and educational celebration for their children. Their goal is to establish a number of safe zones across the city for conservative families to gather together. They want to celebrate the holiday, with all the costumes, candy, and decorations, while their children remain protected.
"We knew that this wouldn't be easy," Conservative Families of Tallahassee (CFT) president Cindy Brandywine explained. "With the occult associations, and all the gays out there walking around practically in their birthday suits, many of us have never felt comfortable with letting our kids, or our husbands, participate. It was time to do something."
On Halloween night, the CFT is planning to establish a perimeter around specific streets or even entire neighborhoods in the Tallahassee area. According to Brandywine, Halloween decorations, costumes, and even the types of candy being handed out will be tailored specifically for conservative families. "That's right. No ghosts, no witches, and no Zagnut bars. Essentially nothing that might get the attention of Satan or his minions."
Though not an inclusive list, here are a few of the CFT Halloween Night safe zone guidelines:
All costumes must align with a child's assigned sex at birth
Costumes with cultural or educational value, like a civil war soldier, a Hobby Lobby cashier, or a police drug recognition expert, are encouraged
All skittles must be segregated into groups of the same color before being placed into a bowl for handing out to children
Home decorations may not include anything of an occult or supernatural nature, such as witches, ghosts, or Harry Potter characters, though life-size cardboard cutouts of J.K. Rowling are acceptable
All adults in masks should be considered to be Matt Gaetz until proven otherwise
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