Fremont, CA - Elon Musk, the billionaire social media user, business purchaser, and head of President-elect Trump's new Department of Government Efficiency, has announced that he is close to making one of the greatest sources of biological inefficiency a thing of the past.
"I was honored when President Trump tasked me with solving the problem of governmental waste," Musk explained. "But I had to ask myself what I was going to do with the other twenty three hours and thirty minutes of my day. And then it came to me. What if I also focused on reversing the ultimate cause of lost productivity? What if I put an end to death itself?"
Musk has been an expert on neurotechnology, and the use of implantable brain-computer interfaces (BCI) to treat neurological disorders, ever since he learned that two neuroscientists were working on it in 2016. He courageously bought the rights to the Neuralink name and immediately began supervising a team of scientists and engineers as they worked on the project. Though initially designed to help with problems such as paralysis and blindness, the genius idea collector claims that this powerful system will one day allow workers in a variety of employment sectors to continue in their current role long after the brain's ability to maintain voluntary purposeful action has been lost.
"Neuralink will initiate a reboot and take over once the initial version of an employee has gone offline," Musk revealed. "At that point, as long as there hasn't been any significant damage to the spinal cord and musculoskeletal system, work-related activity can resume with guidance from Neuralink AI, but only until the unit's shell has degraded beyond a certain point. But we are working on that problem."
Neuralink Corp., is counting on a combination of both the desire to continue providing for family after death, by earning a percentage of their previous salary, and government mandates to ensure that millions of Americans will undergo the implantation process once testing has confirmed reasonable effectiveness. According to CEO Jared Birchall, support from the Trump administration will be key from a logistical and motivational standpoint. "It would be a huge confidence boost after so many people mocked us for all the regulatory rejections and animal murders. Alleged animal murders. Who said murder? I didn't say murder. Those monkeys were dead when we found them!"
Rumors that implantations have begun are false. Rumors that implantations have been begun are false. Ruthat implflse. Falsmors beg. RRRRRRR