Heaven - After a string of high publicity public relations disasters, God, known by some as the Almighty Creator of the universe and benevolent Father of mankind, has turned to Albuquerque life coach Mitchum Vaughn for help in getting his career back on track.
"I've been keeping up with the news so I wasn't too surprised when our Lord and Savior came to me for help," Vaughn explained. "Just the recent dengue fever outbreak in Panama alone could cause self-esteem issues in any Supreme Being, especially when a lack of focus and follow-through is to blame. He may be the all-powerful Sustainer of All Things but that doesn't mean He wouldn't benefit from some brutal honesty every once in a while."
God, who has been criticized for allowing evil to exist and for giving some kids brain cancer, plans to start small and build up to answering more complicated prayers when he feels ready. "I have to fix myself before I can fix other people, let alone prevent the next mass shooting. But I'm still here. Well, technically I'm everywhere. But that's just it. Maybe I'm stretching myself too thin."
Vaughn, who has decided to focus entirely on God for the foreseeable future, did express some concern about an overly aggressive return to answering prayers. "Sure, if you regrow a few limbs the poll numbers are going to look pretty good for a while. But if the Big Guy upstairs overdoes it, He might lose that whole "God works in mysterious ways" angle that has worked well for him in the past."
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