Scientists Issue Caution Over Return to Social Distancing

Tampa, FL - Experts in astronomy at the University College of South Tampa are warning government leaders to think twice before passing laws requiring social distancing as a public health measure amidst growing concerns of a possible bird flue pandemic.

A registered independent artist's rendering of the Earth being ripped apart by a nearby black hole formed because of a transgender character in a Pixar movie or a transgender character in a Daily Wire sitcom

"The Earth has become accommodated to human clumping over the past few thousand years," Conservative astronomer Dr. Harry Glubman, PhD explained during a recent panel discussion with a select group of Republican legislators and members of the DeSantis administration. "If everyone stood 6 feet apart again, the planet could tumble out of its orbit and kill us all."

Not every member of the highly partisan astronomical community has been receptive to Glubman's recommendation to avoid social distancing. According to far left astronomer Dr. Leela Farnsworth, PhD, the dangers of standing too close together on a global scale might far outweigh those of keeping our distance. "Glubman is a fool. My models predict that excessive human clumping could increase the Earth's spin to such a degree that we would all be flung into open space."